April 26, 2003

I decided after last nights debacle with the new turkey bite size Kiev to attempt them again today. So I warmed up four bites and proceeded to cut each little bite into four pieces and chewed each one forever. After eating one, I thought waiting a bit would be good to see how things went. I did not have any of the nasty tummy rumbles or any pain or anything wrong today. So that did answer my question about last night. Apparently, it wasn’t a case that the food disagreed with me but rather that I did not chew it and ate too fast and it got stuck/lodged. That was rather painful and long last night. I have never been sick like that period since the surgery. If I have been sick, it has been quick and over and that was it. This dragged on for about 3 hours from the start to the beginning. I was not throwing up the entire time but I did have pain most of that time. I don’t ever want to do that again. and YES I was really hungry when I ate the turkey and I think that I ate too fast as well as not chewing well enough. so the moral of the story is to eat slower and chew better and take smaller bites. so hard to relearn these habits after 36 years, but it is still early days. just 5 weeks and 5 days. So the days started out much better than yesterday ended. than of course I went and did something else to mess it up. 😳 I decided to have a bit of cheesecake since I have had that in the past and have been fine with it. and I have not had any for sometime now. It was wonderful. TOO wonderful. I couldn’t stop eating it. 😡 and before you know it I had eaten at least 2 slices worth rather than a small slice like I have been doing. too much sugar. dumping. drat. will I ever learn ❓ ❓ Mr Pollard said that you don’t figure out what your limit of sugar/carb intake is the easy way. he said that unfortunately people have to eat too much and dump and then work their way backwards. I have been so careful and I thought that I would be different and that I could avoid that. well apparently I am not nearly as clever and I thought i was, or the lure of cheesecake is too strong, or the old bad habits that have gotten me this fat to start with are still too strong. Now that I am feeling better and more confidant with my eating since I am starting back to normal foods, I seem to be getting into more trouble than usual. it was easy when I was only eating puréed food and soup. no troubles there. I guess this is part of the learning process too from the op and yes even though it was awful the op did its job. I ate too much sugar and it made me sick. I was nauseous, headache, a bit on the warm side but not exactly the sweats, bouncing off the walls, and sleepy. I decided to not go to sleep but rather to take care of the high sugar and insulin bit going on in my body by activity. so I did about 10 min of dancing in the house. even that 10 min was too much because I am sore inside where my sutures are. too much hip wiggling. so I will stick to the walking for now. But then did take my three collies with a neighbour and walked up to the gleb and ran them back and forth and walked me around too. we were out for an hour although we did not walk that entire time since some of it was getting the dogs to run back and forth between us. but still exercise and alot of movement for me. It was only about 1.5 or 2 hours that I felt bad so it passed but it was still not fun. Have I learned? I would like to think that I have. I want to cherish those sick moments and remember. 🙂 One thing that I did notice and was rather shocked at the change was that once I had eaten the chocolate cheesecake piece and had the sugar intake that I was full of energy, motivation, and my mood was elevated and I was in the best mood since starting this depression. that would suggest that it is my serotonin and sugar levels that have dropped and that they are contributing to my depression. It is a mourning process I guess, giving up and mourning the loss of food as a comfort thing. someone that is not overweight and has not had food as a companion would never understand that. now that aspect of my life is gone and I am trying to get over it. usually successfully, but as of today I had a relapse. Wow though, so much energy. But I did walk a lot of that off so I am tired again and bummed now that I made that error in judgement to start with. I do feel good about getting out the house and walking the dogs. And when I came back, I went over to a different neighbours and had a natter so that was nice too. If the weather is good, I hope to take the dogs out to White Cow Woods with another neighbour. That way both they and I can get more walking in. So I am off to bed to get some sleep in the mean time. 😀

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