September 11, 2006

I think that I should be ashamed of myself as it has been even longer this time since I put a journal entry here. I am currently back in the UK as I came back to do my next two levels of my crystal courses and my practiconer course for my NO HANDS Massage. so that is done now and I will be flying back to Aberdeen in the morning and than have a couple more days there and than back to Colorado and than a quick trip down to St. Louis to pick up 10 angora goats and than a mad dash back to Colorado and than the series of chaos that has become my recent life will start again. 😉 we have new additions. 2 cats, one of which has disappeared and we think has been eaten by something bigger than him. 4 more dogs, 3 of which are LGD for outside and they protect the goats, 2 milk goats that we already have along wtih 29 chickens (2 having been eaten already). so life is starting to take off on the ranch. went for a consult with the plastic surgeon in colorado, he is saying definitely will need breast implants as apparently I have lost more weight and there is basically nothing left except loose skin. remove that and well there won’t be anything left. having to get my head around this one as I have made fun of the fakes for my entire not sure on that one. 😯 anyhoo…that is about it as I can’t come up with anything as it is about 1 am and I am tired. so off I go, and if you are good boys and girls, you might get another entry sooner than christmas. 😆 😆

June 3, 2006

I have been accused of not writing a journal entry THIS year…not so! I looked at the last one was in January so that is THIS year! 😉 Had my surgery for my tummy tuck at the end of February about 5 days after I emmigrated from Scotland back to the USA. rather a nightmare as I arrived in the middle of the worst ice storm that michigan had seen in years and we had no power, water, email, phones, heat or anything. he took about 7 pds and 10 oz of loose skin off. so that with the loose skin removed in September from my hernia means a total of 9 pounds of loose skin removed. it is still a bit loose on the sides, but I have a lot of shape an definition and it is really flat. my belly button survived which the doc was shocked as he thought he owuld have to ditch it as the hernia doc cut it at the bottom and the tummy tuck doc had to cut it at the top. but it has healed up nicely. went back to belly dancing, tried to swim two days ago. about died. pain, wow. felt like my horizontal scar was going to rip in half and it didn’t matter which stroke I did, it was excruciating pain. it has been a little over 3 months but apparently I can’t swim yet. been losing weight or esle losing swelling as my skin is getting looser on the sides, almost seems like my tummy tuck needs a tummy tuck. but I can’t remember when I was this thin. hope that Chaz doesn’t find me repulsive being this small. 😯 out in colorado now. nightmare builder. just about hate him. barn not done. stressed out and naseous, sometimes even throwing up with all the stress. so just want to pucnch the numpty. going to be getting angora goats here soon and if I ever get the barn built and can get my stuff out of storage I can start to spin and weave again. really miss it. getting a new addition to our dog family, domino a deaf aussie. never had an aussie before. also getting 3 pyrnaneese as livestock guardians for the goats, but they will not be house dogs, they are farm dogs out with the goats all the time. doing some massage, but not been albe to focus on that with all the stupid builder stuff. have an appointment on June 15 wiht a plastic surgeon out here to get an idea on what it will cost for the arms and boobs. have to start saving as it will take a long time ot get that money. well off for now, have a sad border collie to cheer up. daddy will be home soon, maybe that will cheer her up.

January 15, 2006

I can’t remember when I last put an entry on here. I think that possibly I had actually forgotten that I had a journal here with all the things that have been going on. 😕 I still have a bit of pain in the muscles and such in my abdomen even four months after the hernia operation. can’t remember if I mentioned it before, but the doctor took about 690 grams of loose skin when he did the operation. he had to cut out the old scar so he took a bit of the excess skin too. just that little bit has made a huge difference as I can see my belly button for the first time in so many years I can’t remember. I also know what my blood type now is. I have always wondered that. 😆 I have recently gained some weight. About 10 pds. I suppose some of that is the excesses of the holiday, and some would be the lack of doing nothing over the last 4 months as most everything has caused me pain. even a genlte walk with one of the dogs causes me a bit of pain. the doctor said this pain is all the little stitches that he put in to stitch the mesh down onto my muscles. he stitches it to the tendons on the left side, but there was not as much tendon there on the right side so he had to stitch it to more muscle. so every time I move any muscles, those little stitches pull. He said that it could hurt for about six months. It doesn’t hurt all the time now, but up until 3 months it hurt just about every single day. ordinary things like, walking or cleaning a bit, or even just getting dressed and moving about the house would cause pain. That at least has eased up and in the last month I have started to do more things. I still have twinges of pain, but they don’t last a day or so and they aren’t all that sharp. so I would say that I am finally getting over it. things are progressing with the house. we might even have a confirmed offer in writing in the next week. if things go according to my plan, I am going to try to schedule my tummy tuck operation in Michigan around the 2nd of March, recover the month of March with the dogs at my folks house, and wait for Chaz to get there from work. he should be with us around the last week of March and we can drive out to Colorado around the first of April and he would have the month to be there with us. the builder has been instructed to finsih the foundations in full, and than decide how much money he needs for a deposit for raising the barn which we won’t have him start until the last week of March. It all seems to be coming together now, so we are just sitting on pins and needles for tomorrow morning to accept this offer. 😯

September 24, 2005

well the last time that I had drugs of ANY kind was about 13.5 hours ago. I am going to see if I can go without any. yesterday I cut out the codeine and only had one dose in the evening because of cramps…guess something I ate wasn’t sitting well in my intestines. now I have a question….need a logical answer. in my logical opinion, if I have an incisional hernia that starts from belly buttom and goes up about 8 inches or more and is a gaping hole that my guts are falling out of, and I over eat, those guts will swell and get hard becuase they are full of too much food. right? so there is no real end to how much I could eat and swell them up unless I threw up or had enough sense to stop but I more than likely would seem like I wouldn’t be as full as quickly as with my RNY surgery, I dont’ have a valve at the end of my stomach so if my food is chewed well or liquid it goes right through and stops in the intestine until it can be digested. so if those same spilling out guts are stuffed back into the stomach and the muscles stitched up, woudln’t it stand to reason that I could not eat as much food as normal before without feeling full or stuffed? it seems logical to me that if the intestines can’t expand limitlessly outside the abdominal wall that it would restrict my eating more? I ask this becuase I can’t eat hardly anything before being full and it is freaky. the way that my body reacts now and only being able to eat small amounts and not being hungry is the way it is supposed to be after a RNY and I have been saying for the last coupel of years that I wonder if I had stretched my stomach out or something because i could eat a lot more than i thougth I should be able to eat. when I asked my local doc about this he poopooed it and said that it wouldn’t make any difference. well I have been out of surgery now for 5 days and I can only eat about half of what I was eating the day before surgery and even that is stuffing me and I have dropped about 6.2 pds alone just since thrusday morning so that is only about 2 days. I am not horrified that I am losing weight but I ahve been stable now around this weight for months and no amount of really doing my level best at gaining weight has really worked for any lenght of time so I had begun to think that it was done losing. they say after a RNY that you lose weight for 1.5-2 years tops and many will gain a bit back after that and than if you lead a normal active life eating the way that you should you should stay around that permanently. I worry that I will lose too much weight. I have never been a skinny chick and I don’t want to be a skinny chick. I have curves, and hour glass figure if you will. before I lost the weight I just had too many curves and my hour glass resembeled more of a beer mug. I am worried that if I am not careful I will resemble a champagne flute. 😯 I weight more as a number on the scale than I ever thoguth I would, but I am lower in size than I wanted to be. I never wanted to be below a size 14 and I can wear 14s and sometimes 12’s now and I haven’t even had any of my reconstructive surgery done or any excess skin removed yet. that should all drop me antoher two sizes to about size 10, hopefully no lower. I am 5’9″. big boned, and curvey but I am losing my curves and I don’t want to look like a blasted model. I want to remain the voluptous real woman that I am. anyhoo….I am rambling…maybe this should have been under the nothing thread becuase it is just jabbers. do you think that it is logical to think that my sudden weight loss and inability to eat much is due to the intestines being back where they are supposed to be even if my local doc said not. I mean I think it is only logical…stuff expands to fill the space it is contained in..and if the guts are contained in a small space now, it stands to reason they won’t expand. or am I just haverin’ sh*t?