December 15, 2003

It has been almost a full two weeks since I have been back from the states and I feel like I can still not get into a normal schedule for anything. not sleep, not eating, not exercise, not even life in general. I am so tired. Constantly worn out. I hope that I am not getting sick, I hope that I am not getting that dreaded glandular fever that we call mono in the states. Adults are not supposed to get it, and if they do, they are not supposed to get it more than once. I have had it a couple of times, and I am beginning to feel so drained and awful like I used to back than that it is starting to worry me. I did weigh myself today and was down to 260.2. pesky .2 of a pound again. 😛 when that pesky .2 of a pound is gone, than I will have a full 120 pds lost and it is only 2 days away from my 9 month anniversary of my surgery date. should be able to drop that .2 of a pound by then. I have been researching the two private plastic surgeons here in the Aberdeen area and was feeling rather frustrated and annoyed at the antiquated mentality of these doctors, but I might have spoken too soon. They genearally ask for their patients to be at a stable BMI of 26 or lower. If I were to have a BMI of 26 or lower, I would be at or below my original goal weight of 170 pds which would be too low for me. After looking at the size my body is at 260 pds, and seeing where I will be at 200 pds, I think that 170 pds was a bit too low for my goal weight specially since plastic surgery would end up removing 15-20 pds more past that. My final weight after plastic surgery and all would be too low, my size would be too low, and that is NOT what I want. I did not have my surgery to look like a model. I think they look sick and don’t want that. I want to be healthy, normal sized, and still womanly and sexy. I can’t do that at 150pds when my height is 5’9″. is this another form of fat discrimination? They are saying that if my BMI is above 26 that I am too fat to have my extra skin taken off. is my body, my money, and my blasted fat and loose skin. don’t I have any say in this ❓

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