Monday, December 3, 2012, Dr. Bj Ferrell passed away unexpectedly.  Words do not express how broken my heart is.  I have never experienced a loss so profound or difficult as this as I have been fortunate in my life to almost never experience death.  I am at a loss to know what to do or feel.

Bj to me was a mother, mentor, teacher, best friend, my student, joy and buddy, holistic doctor, and the first person that ever truly saw me for who I was next to my husband Charlie.  It is very rare to find a friend that will give as much as I give back.  She was that and more.  She allowed me to give to her just as much as she did to me.  That is a real friend.  She knew the real me….all of me and still loved me fiercely.   She was trustworthy to know the real me and I don’t know if I will ever find another friend like her.  She means more to me than anyone else other than my husband, Charlie.

She never judged and always encouraged.  I had never met anyone like that before other than my mother in law, Grace Morrison who passed on 2 years ago.  To a person who was criticized, judged and found wanting her entire life…Bj was a breath of fresh air to me because she was so different from my previous life experiences.  It took me time when we first met to really trust her love because it was so foreign to anything I had ever known.

Oddly enough, we both recognized a deep connection the moment that we first met.  We may have only known each other 8 years (6 of which we were living in Colorado) but we were soul sisters from way back.  Had we met 25 years ago, that connection would have been the same.  It just took our coming to Colorado to put our souls in proximity with each other so that we could meet in body….finally.

I am not the same person that I was prior to meeting BJ.  I am a better person for knowing her.  I am alive because of her holistic knowledge and help with my health.  I have no doubts that had I not met her when I did that I would not be alive and here now.

She has been a constant source of encouragement and interest in all the crazy things that I do.  Animals from all walks of life.  Making, baking, creating and canning all sorts of foods.  She was always willing to be my experiment and try whatever I had created. She was brave that way.  She knew the old ways and understood them better than I hope to ever know.  Her fascination with all my fiber creations was a great joy to me even though she was allergic to wool and couldn’t wear most of them.

Her interest and joy in speaking with my husband, Charlie, on so many different topics was always a constant pleasure to me.  Charlie knows so many different things on so many different topics and some of those I haven’t a clue about.  Bj knew those things and they could converse in a comptuer programming language that made my eyes bleed.  But they were having fun!  They both loved photography and painting, and although I dabble in both, they are not my first loves.  It was fun to see how animated both would get discussing a new topic or technique and there you go…my eyes would glaze again and I was lost.  I could however enjoy watching the two of them yacking away.

Bj had so many degrees, so much learning, so much knowledge and so many life experiences that she is a great loss to all of us that knew her.  Her obituary is here at the Daily Record in Canon City, Colorado.

My Scot Born husband does not always express how he feels to the world.  He posted his thoughts about BJ on Facebook and this is what he said:

I had some very sad news when I was travelling this week.
Dr. Bj Ferrell , our first and best friend in Colorado, suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. I am still trying to get to grips with her loss.
BJ touched the lives of Melisa and I, deeply, and in so many ways.
BJ was a superb mentor to Melisa, continually encouraging her and furthering her knowledge in health, wellness and alternative medicine and therapies in addition to being the best friend that anyone could hope to have.

For me, I will cherish the memories of all the discussions that BJ and I had on such an eclectic range of subjects. We talked about so many different things; Colorado places and wildlife, American history, world politics, music, art, photography, food and cooking, computer programming and webpage design, and even our cars. (I think she was as excited about our two new VW additions as we were ourselves!)
I will miss her candour and honesty, her sincerity and compassion and, most of all, her deep, deep, friendship.

My heart goes out to all her family and myriad of friends who will all, like us, miss her so much.

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I will miss you Bj…more than either of us ever knew could be possible!