January 27, 2003

January 27, 2003 0 By Melisa

Lots been going on lately. even more abuse the other day. Last night, one of the girls that I am friends with at school called me and she was telling me how two other women in my class mentioned to her that I looked like I gained weight since christmas break. why are they compelled to talk about my weight? why do they feel the need to even tell me they are talking about my weight? seems like this is a cultural difference,. everyone here seems to think that it is ok to talk about others just to hear themselves talk…is this just a Buchan thing or is this all over? it was not said in a cheeky way, I was told. OH!! well that makes all the difference. Not said in a cheeky way, I suppose it was meant as a compliment saying that about a person that is already morbidly obese and constantly struggling with the weight thing. Mind you, I don’t bother to try to lose weight anymore. I just am struggling to stay even. have for 1.5 years..but suddenly I have gone poof and have put on a couple of stone in the last 6 weeks. off the high protein diet with no carbs now..and i think that this is happening again. last time I came off the atkiens diet, i gained 50 pds..the 40 I lost and an additonal 10pds. can’t afford for it to happen agian, but just can’t handle life on the atkiens..so strict. even when I stick to it and don’t misbehave, I don’t lose, and I feel sick. yet it is the only way I don’t gain more. can’t wait for the surgery to get it over with and start losing. have a date in april..beginning..but really need a date in the beginning or middle of march. husband will be home the month of march and he is scheudled to leave on april9th..my date is april 8th. dont’ want to be alone and can’t handle three bouncing border collies, stairs, and my entire house as well as taking care of myself right after surgery all on my own. Louise is trying to do her best. need a date around the middle of March. beginning would be nice, but Mr P is going on holiday that week..so the 10th of March is the first date once he is back I think. oh well. maybe something will open up. Louise did ask if I could do sometime in February. but problem with that is I am in the last four weeks of my diploma and my husband won’t be home unitl the last day or so of feb or around the first of march..so still in the same dilema. hate to turn down an opening though. don’t know what to do. I suppose it was a good thing that there was no cheesecake at the wee shoppie down the road. state I am in, I might have bought two. course can’t eat all that..but could put it in the freezer for when I am bummed again. might as well enjoy it is what everyone says. hmmm…there should be logic in that..but not sure where. haha. bit of background on me. I am 5’9″ in my barefeet, blonde haired and blue eyed. right now I am 360+ and what you would call a BBW. Big Beautiful Woman. I have always had an hour glass figure..just too many hours in my glass. right now with this sudden burst of weight gain I think my glass is beginning to resemble a beer mug. I am active..more than most. but not as much as I was two years ago. then I rode my bike for 20 miles once..but other days 4-8 miles..several times per week. and would swim a kilometer in the pool. these days, I run up and down the stairs in my house..have to..bathroom is up there. and I walk my dogs, sometimes. they drag me out. they would like more..so would I. but lately I feel like hiding in the house. people are really beginning to bug me. well last night I was sad and depresed. tonight I am depressed and mad.. maybe tomorrow I will just be depressed and over it. here’s hoping