July 2, 2003

I have finally started to move back down in my weight again. For the last few days I have actually gained a few pounds and than stuck there. It is that time of the month, so I evidently do retain water weight. I didn’t know if I would or not since I haven’t had “normal” periods with birth control pills and my body ovulating correctly since my teens probably. But the water weight is starting to come off again slowly, and I am back down to where I was on Friday which is having 69 pounds gone. Maybe with a few more days, I will drop more of the water retention. If I don’t than I know that this not walking, no cardio exercise, is just killing me. I hope to be able to start lifting weights again, since I have been off that for almost 10 days now. I toppled over in the garden about 12 days ago and bruised my arm quite badly. I tried lifting a few days after, and my fingers and hand would keep going numb. After talking to my physio, she suggested that I don’t lift weights at all until the bruising healed up. So maybe I will get to start that again here real soon. I did go out for a 30 min walk in the woods towards the end of last week. I stayed on the logging road rather than the trails, so that the ground was more even. I was shocked at what three weeks of inactivity has done to my aerobic capacity. WHAT aerobic capacity is more like it? I had really begun to get more fit and felt great and than all this happened. Kinda depressing since I want to be more active. I had the appointment for my knee moved up and saw the othopedic surgeon. He thinks that my ACL is ok, but he suspects that I have some rough edges on the inside of my knee and some wear and tear due to me being heavy most of my life. He also thinks that I have a cartiledge tear, so he is sending me for an MRI. He will make a decision on if I am to have surgery or not after he sees the MRI. so I am doing the waiting game for the appointment. They are so slow here, even when going private. I called on Tuesday to find out more about when I might possibly find out when the appointment is. The secretary was just typing up the letter to send to the MRI department to request an appointment for me. I had my appointment on Friday. Hmmm makes you wonder why they can’t just pick up the phone and make a two minute phone call to schedule it. Or better yet, they could have given me the number and I could have called. It it a bit over the top that they have to request an appointment in writing. NHS I could understand, but privately? 🙄 I have been able to get my size 22 black jeans on and wear them. I tried my size 22 blue jeans on and they are still to tight to wear. there is something with the different colour dyes, the black ones always fit looser even though they are the same brand, size and style. What I can’t figure out is why my body shape is so strange and different from what it has been my whole life. I have never had much of a stomach, maybe some below my belly button but definitely not above my belly button. whatever i have had above my belly button always disappeared first along with my fat in my face once I start losing weight. For some reason the fat seems to have all migrated to my tummy in the section between my belly button and my breasts and buildt a condo there and taken up residence. My butt and thighs is where I have always carried my weight. Both size 22 jeans fit me in the butt and thighs, but I have difficulty buttoning them, and when i do get them buttoned, I can barely breathe. Also the fat in the upper part of my stomach seems to get pushed up above the waist band and forced to stick out farther than even normal. so it looks like i have two sets of breast specially when I sit down. By the time that my stomach gets a bit smaller to fit in the size 22 jeans, they will be too big everywhere else and just sagging on me. this happened with the size 28, 26, and I would wager the size 24, but I didn’t have any size 24 jeans to be sure about. I have never been able to wear jeans in the past easily becuase my shape was too curvy for them. I had to small of a waist with to wide of hips and legs, so they would always gap in the waist. I had bought a belt to hold the jeans up. Now I need supsenders to keep them up and from falling off my hips, but my stomach holds them up fine. what is up with that? wonder if it is becuase the muscles were cut above my belly button or what?

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